


strawberries & cigarettes

by PurpleAsters



Series: Young Wings [1]
Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Chan doesn't pop up much sadly, Confusion, Depression, DongJun are angsty, Gen, Getting Together, Growing Up, Heartbreak, Homelessness, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inspired by Music, M/M, Please don't think bad of Donghun, Recreational Drug Use, Small Towns, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2020-12-28 18:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 15,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21141491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleAsters/pseuds/PurpleAsters
Summary: Soft lashes, longing gazes and shy smiles. Hitched breathing and smoke clouds. Strawberry flavored gum and burning nicotine.Shy smiles exchanged from over convenience store shelves, eyes locking around Pringles cans and beer bottles.A simple question had fallen from chapped lips."Wanna get out of here?"





	1. fountain machines

**Author's Note:**

> !Hello!
> 
> Before we get started on this story please I want you all to note something's:
> 
> : This story is very oddly written. I have a strange way of writing and I'm unsure how to label it. It's very metaphorical and lacks detail, a lot of what I type is how it pops up in my head, thus it's messy. 
> 
> : This book has no graphic scenes, any violence or sexual content is briefly and flowery mentioned. However know that this story is not light hearted.  
As a whole it's dark and still covers dark topics such as Depression, Self Harm, Homophobia, Child and general abuse, Breaking the Law, Drugs and Alcohol, and general teenager rebellion.  
Again, nothing is detailed but they are mentioned and implied. 
> 
> : I'm not a strong writer, never have been. Please don't be too harsh on me, I am trying and have too many ideas to not attempt to write down. 
> 
> : All characters will be OOC, I've tried to use the boys actual personalities but for the topics it's hard. Most of their reactions is based on my own experiences and emotions. 
> 
> : The town this story takes place is is fictional, but based off my own small town in America. 
> 
> : If you have any questions feel free to ask me! 
> 
> Enjoy
> 
> ALSO  
I made a playlist for this, since you can't see the tagged songs on AO3 like on Wattpad!  
https://tinyurl.com/yeyvtdky

Its passed midnight when he slips out his bedroom window, holding in his breath as he does and quietly scampers away from the dark sleeping house. 

He runs towards the soft laughing from up the road, to the group of three who he misses like air after drowning. 

Puffs of white smoke leaves his lips as he jogs, baggy hoodie and ripped jeans doing nothing against the chill late September air. 

He gets to the others, cheers echoing in his ears and he feels a happy smile grace his otherwise frowning lips. The hugs are tight and painful, but it's comforting and wonderful. 

Yuchan is screaming, joking around with Junhee and running around the sidewalk. Donghun and Byeongkwan are laughing as they watch Junhee tackle the youngest ruthlessly. 

The two go down in a mess of limbs that Donghun and Byeongkwan step around, or jump over in Byeongkwans case. 

It's so nice, the feeling of freedom. 

Byeongkwan can't surpress the smile that lingers on his lips, because here he's free. There's no yelling parents or rules to be enforced. He's with his friends, who love him for him. There's no bad thoughts or wants of metal. A breath of fresh air. 

Beside him Donghun throws an arm around the shorters shoulders, warm embrace and caring laughs that rattle his chest now vibrate into cold arms. 

They're not going anywhere, the town is too small for crazy fun like in the movies. Instead they walk, trudge down small down town sidewalks and embrace the glares of elders with glowing smiles and puffs of smoke. 

Donghun moved from him, now in a heated debate with Junhee while Yuchan is counting change in his hands. Why, Byeongkwan is unsure, Junhee always pays for their nightly outings, but he doesn't interrupt the intense counting. 

The E-Z Mart is at the end of town, closer to Byeongkwans house than the others. It's dark and grungey, with less savory people walking in and out at all hours of the night. The neon lights from the signs brighten the pavement, casting soft white and green shadows onto the group as they stumble around the lot. 

Inside the store is blinding, white florescent lights scarring eyes and making heaven seem dull. The cashier greets them with a sleepy slur, bleach blond head resting on the counter and droll dripping onto the surface.

The store is empty, only the group of four and the asleep cashier. Junhee and Yuchans voices are loud in the open room, bouncing off the walls and shelves and slamming back into their ears. 

Byeongkwan steps around his friends as they walk around, rubbing his hands together to rub away the frost. He's glancing around the shelves, eyes landing on the lined candies and gum packs and making his lips twitch happily. Hes busy grabbing a lone pack of gum when he hears the door bell jingle and Donghun speaks up, voice loud as fuck. 

He lifts his gaze up, trying to see over the tall shelf but he can't see anything other than the very top of Donghuns messed up hair. So he shrugs and tries to listen, straining his ears and slowly stepping closer and closer towards the end of the aisle. 

He can hear mumbled voices, even Donghuns normally loud voice is softer as he speaks to the stranger. There's only a muffled low tone, but Byeongkwan can't make out words for the life of him. 

Eventually he sighs and gives up, grabbing another pack of gum and looking behind him, spotting Yuchan at the fountain drink dispensers. He walks over, feeling eyes on his back but chooses to ignore them, and smacks Yuchan on the back of the head lightly as the younger spills pop over the rim of his cup. 

Once Yuchan is finished playing with the dispensers the two move away and find Junhee already at the counter that's been covered by bags of chips and candy. Yuchan runs over, bumping into Junhee with a cackle, while Byeongkwan slowly follows with a smile on his lips. 

As his friends check out he glances around for Donghun, who's no longer in the store. He taps Junhees shoulder, the older twisting around with a confused look. 

"Where'd Donghun go?"asks Byeongkwan, softly as not to disturb the cashier. 

Junhee replies with a soft 'outside with Wow', before turning back and speaking to Yuchan. 

Byeongkwan frowns and pouts a bit at his friends useless answer. He glares at the back of his taller friends head, and when they both turn around he snaps his gaze away and to the floor. He doesn't want a lecture right now. 

The three stumble out of the store, Yuchan and Junhee swapping items as they blindly walk away and Byeongkwan would have gladly followed if it wasn't for Donghuns voice calling out off to the side of them. 

Byeongkwan snaps his head up and focused on Donghun and the body standing beside him. He obediently walks over, and stands a little bit behind Junhee as the two oldest start talking. 

He observes the stranger. Ignoring the burn in his chest. 

Pretty in the face, stronger features but a certain delicate flavor that balances it out. Dark gaze that burns skin, lips chapped by the cold, and decked out in thin clothes but never shivering. 

A hand moves up and brings a lit cigarette to his lips, the ignited tip burning red as lungs inhale soothing chemicals. 

He isn't the only one observing, because he meets the others eyes multiple times in short face heating moment's. 

Byeongkwan isn't listening to Donghun, but he does hear a name. 

Sehyoon 

It fits, he thinks. 

They stand around for twenty minutes to , and Sehyoons gaze barely leaving him. Byeongkwan never turns to meet his eyes, but he feels his skin burn and him hands get sweaty. He knows. 

They part with Sehyoon leaving, where he's going Byeongkwan doesn't know, nor should he care. But he can't help but watch the older guy leave, slowly disappear into the darkness past the neon signs with smoke trailing after. 

Donghun leads them away too, they're going to their houses. Houses, never homes. 

It's passed 3am when Byeongkwan stumbles through his window, the house still silent as ever and his posters mocking him. He falls into bed, soft sheets warming his bad from the outside cold and head resting on plush pillows. 

Thoughts tack themselves to black hair and the smell of menthol. To bruised knuckles and black hoodies. To a guy named Sehyoon who he'll never meet again.


	2. neon signs

Byeongkwan wasn't rebellious, but his parents thought otherwise. 

He rarely left the house outside of school, got average grades, and behaved and remained well mannered. In his parents eyes he slept all day, he should study more, and he should be more polite to others. 

He never fought them, even on days where the words they spoke cut into his heart and drained his confidence, never raised his voice to then or acted hateful. He saw no reason, they would think what they wanted and he couldn't change that fact. 

Byeongkwan did however want freedom. 

It seems dumb for him to feel a rush when he stepped out of his bedroom window, or when he cussed with his friends, or wore comfortable clothes that stayed hidden in his closet. 

The teenage life on TV is what he wanted, because it's not what he got. 

He got depression, odd parents, weird friends, and acne. 

But his acts of "rebellion" felt even more rebellious because of that normalcy he was born into. 

Midnight was the cue, the perfect time when everyone slept deep in his house but himself, when the neighborhood was dead and no body heard the sound of his foot steps on the sidewalk. 

He could walk humming, vapor clouds disappearing as he left. Dressed his hoodies and jeans that his parents didn't know he owned, and earbuds buried in his ears and blasting three levels too high. 

It's been a week since he'd hung out with his friends, he misses them. 

Sure he sees Yuchan in school, but they share no classes and lunch is short. Junhee graduated what feels like years ago and Donghun dropped out of school when Byeongkwan started his freshmen year. 

He rarely got to see his friends. 

Walking up to the group he can tell something's off, it's too quiet. The three other boys are split into one verses two, and as Byeongkwan steps closer he can see Junhee hugging Donghun tight to his chest while Yuchan stands and stares at his shoes. He can hear soft humming, and comforting whispers leave the black haired boys mouth as he rocks their friend. 

Byeongkwan meets Junhees eyes, concerned and scared to see his eldest friend so down. But Junhee shakes his head and goes back to patting a shivering Donghun. 

Byeongkwan can make a few assumptions of it all, none of which make him happy. 

Donghun wasn't abused but he was unfortunately forced to live in a household were his parents abused each other. It's a strange situation, one that even Byeongkwan never fully understood or grasped. 

The oldest of their group had to listen to his mom and dad yell at each other at night, had to listen to the harsh sound of skin on skin when it esculated, and had to break them up afterwards. 

Byeongkwan never stayed at Donghuns house, for two reasons. One being Donghuns own self consciousness of his home life, and two, Byeongkwans parents didn't like Donghun at all. 

Sure Donghun was poor, his mom worked a shitty part time job at a convenience store in a town over and his father stayed at home and slept, but Donghun never caused problems or acted out. The older even told the group on multiple occasions that he regretted dropping out of school, but even then he just couldn't finish in public schools, he was too depressed and stressed and unhealthy to finish. 

Donghun was like a pitbull, mean looking and stereotypically evil, but actually sweet and hyper, wanting love. That's what he was like, shamed and rejected for everything but his own doing. 

Seeing him shivering and so small just broke Byeongkwans heart. 

They stand around for a few more minutes after Byeongkwan arrives, silent as a body shakes. But eventually Donghun sits up tall, face pale but no tears, never tears. 

He smiles a weak pitiful smile to his friends, who just smile back. It's awkward but comforting. 

Byeongkwan watches as he stands up and grabs a black bag from he and Junhees feet, something the blond didn't notice until now, and slings it over his shoulder, awkward smile still pasted onto his lips. 

They don't speak about it or ask him what's wrong, they just carry on and walk after him like ducklings. 

the neon signs of the EZ Mart are in view when Byeongkwan finds out what happened. 

Junhee had bent down and so softly whispered into his head, spilling the secrets Donghun worked to keep. 

"Got too bad at home, didn't even break them up this time, walked straight to the meet and called me...he's not going back..." 

It isn't a shock, it was bound to happen. But It drags his image even more. Byeongkwan wonders where he'll stay. 

Byeongkwan himself would offer, but obvious reasons scrap that idea. Yuchan isn't an option because of his own family problems and the pure fact that it's not normal to have a 20 year old staying at their 17 year old friends house. Junhee was a good choice, but Junhee lived alone and barely survived as it was as one person even if he had more money then all of them combined. 

But that probably didn't matter now, not as Donghun held a bounce in his steps and never let the bag on his back throw him off balance. He joked with Yuchan as they walked ahead like nothing was abnormal. Maybe that was okay, to fake normalcy for a breath. 

They laugh and joke about the store, Junhee making a dent in his wallet and Yuchan spilling more soda over the side of his cup.

Again Byeongkwan stays back and watches, watches his friends breath and relax. 

He hates the lives they all live, but it's time to accept that they're all messed up in some way. They've become a family, one they chose and love more their blood can offer. A bond in their molecules like dna.

They're okay. They have each other. 

Their peace is broken by the doors bell, and the person who walks in is beyond familiar to Byeongkwan. It isn't until he sees Donghun react that he fully remembers. 

Donghun walks over fast, nearly tripping, and speaks in hushed tones as the other are distracted, but Byeongkwan isn't. He seems the interaction and thinks back to a week ago, when Sehyoon had walked in and they did the same thing. 

He knows that the new guy is Sehyoon, he recognizes the thin hoodie and blonde hair that's peaking out of the hood over his head, sees the faint outline of his lips and chin and nose. 

Donghun and Sehyoon talk a bit, until Sehyoon nods and walks away, to the counter and buys something Byeongkwan can't see. 

Donghun walks over to Junhee and whispers something to him as well, and the black haired boy nods and smiles. 

It's such an odd interaction, nothing crazy or suspicious, hell they do it all the time but it's just odd. 

They finish up, Byeongkwan watching as the front door rings and swings shut behind the thin black hoodie and his friends pile junk onto the counter to pay. 

It's like deja Vu when they leave, Donghun turning off and walking up to the hoodie covered Sehyoon. 

Byeongkwan shuffles his feet to follow, curious but cautious to a fault. 

Junhee greets Sehyoon in an almost awkward bro-hug, with heavy slaps to the back and mumbled formalities. Yuchan just smiles as a greeting and Sehyoon sort of ignores it, not showing dislike but not acknowledging it. 

Byeongkwan feels his body tense up when he makes eye contact with Sehyoon. He doesn't know him, but he's intimidated and curious. Nerves shot and face heating up. 

It's only just passed 2:30am when they go their separate ways like before. Only this time Donghun doesn't walk with them, he stays back with the mysterious Sehyoon. 

Byeongkwan doesn't question it, he has no right to. He trusts Donghun. 

The three walk back silently, calm but the depressing events causing an awkward bubble that no one wants break. 

The next morning when he sits at the dining table for breakfast, he can't help but feel out of place. 

Like a white flower in a field of lavender.


	3. silence

When a pattern is broken, people are effected. 

It's like a delayed airplane, or traffic jams. It stuns us and makes us detour and boggles our brains for a brief moment because we like control and patterns. Humans like repeating days and predetermined events. 

Change is strange and new and scary. 

Yuchan is down with the flu, Junhee has the graveyard shift, and Donghun is partying. 

Their meet up is canceled and Byeongkwan is fidgety. 

It's passed 2 a.m.  
The house is silent, it's always silent. 

Silence bugs him, makes him twitch and feel uncomfortable. He can always hear the slight tone in his ears, he can heart his own heart beat. It's unnerving. 

Subconsciously he makes noise, shifting on his bed, the sheets rubbing together and creating sound. Humming to himself, uneven tones now feel like amplified guitar rifts. 

He sighs, fingers twitching and legs rocking. 

Byeongkwan stands up, head dizzy as blood rushes, and stumbles to his desk. He grabs his wallet and the small glass jar that guards the surface, the change clanking inside noisily. He counts out it all, out loud but whispered, he needs out. 

He has just under $5, sad really. 

Byeongkwan blares his music through his black earbuds. His feet scuff the ground as he walks, hands burried in his hoodie pouch and head down to the path he walks. 

The air is chilled and it starts biting his cheeks, but he doesn't care. The threat of silence is too great. 

He thinks. Thinks about his friends. About Donghun couch hopping, spending time with sellers and unsavory people. About Yuchan overworking himself to please his parents, how he's sick and probably getting blamed. Junhee working two jobs to support himself and his friends. 

He wonders about his blank future.

Byeongkwan wonders how he'll handle it all, but he knows the answer of no. He can't. He's scared and unprepared, he's a kid trying to seem grown. The pressure scares him. He's so terrified. 

He wonders when he'll crash. He expects it soon, the itch is there but he denies. He prays it leaves but the thoughts are there, haunting whispers or questions and demands. 

His skin burns, but not from the cold.   
His heart hearts but not from heart break.   
He's scared but not from the known. 

Air feels like water and burns the lungs that beg for oxygen. Shoulders ache from the weight being held. Legs scream from the years of running around the inevitable. 

The store lights become home, the early morning heavens plains that comforts and hugs. 

The trip is short, he's in and out with only a bottle of Coke and mint gum, such a horrible combination. 

The air is cold again, a stark contrast from the warm embrace of the stores heating. He shivers and slowly steps away, cracking the bottle open with a hiss. 

"you and your friends seem to love it here..."

He jerks, the voice spooking the fuck out of him to the point that he inhales the soda and hacks up a lung. 

As he's busy tearing up, the carbonation burning his air way, a laugh starts. Soft and amused that almost pisses him off. 

It takes a few minutes for him to calm down, eyes blurry and throat aching as he stands up tall and turns to the voice. 

It's ironic, the statement made.

Sehyoon leans against the wall, like a painting amongst the graffiti and trash. Cigarette between his fingers and the smell of cologne and nicotine filling the air around him like a dome. 

Byeongkwan scoffs.   
"Says the one who's been here everytime we show up..." 

The smile that grows on chaps lips makes Byeongkwan twitch. Perfect teeth and gums show and eyes curve in the best way. He didn't ask for that smile, why is it there?

Sehyoon let's the smile fall, slowly, and brings the glowing stick to his lips, inhaling deep and true. As he exhales so does his reply leave with the smoke, like magic. 

"I live down the block..."

Byeongkwan hums, curious but cautious. 

A pause. 

"How's Donghun?

The question surprisingly confuses Byeongkwan. He blinks and tilts his head, but then he feels sad. A burn in his chest. 

"I honestly don't know...I know he's at a party right now, or something."

"...oh..."

The awkwardness that build is suffocating, as the night life noise echos around them they both shift their weight. 

Byeongkwan frowns, sighing suddenly and speaking up, hearing dogs bark off in the distance. 

"Well I gotta go..."

The hand that grabs him burns, the smelted metal on flesh. 

"Wait...give me your number"

He's confused more now, they don't know each other and yet here he is, handing his phone to said stranger silently. 

The screen glow blinds them both, awkwardly tapping on a new phone like children sharing glasses.

Sehyoons phone is cracked. It hurts his fingers as he types. 

He hands it back, awkward and shakey.

He gets a smile, perfect teeth and curved eyes. He smiles back, less bright but still kind and sweet, awkward. 

He's just passed the large sign on the edge of the parking lot when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out and blinks. 

From: S.Yoon  
walk home safe kid

When Byeongkwan turns around to see the sender, the smoke cloud long gone.

He smiles again, a warm feeling in his chest. 

It's 3 a.m. when he slips back into his room. His clothes are cold and his bed is comforting. 

It's still silent, but he just turns on his music again and replies to the only message in the thread. 

To: S.Yoon  
goodnight

From: S.Yoon  
Goodnight to you too kid


	4. alone

outgoing call to 'DingDong'  
...

"I'm sorry, the number you have dialed has not set up an automated voice message system. Please hang up the phone and try again. Thank you."

A sigh

He tries again.

"...person you have called has not set up an automated voice..."

Again

"I'm sorry..."

And again

"I'm sorry..."

outgoing call to 'Baby Chan'  
...

"Hi! You've reached Yuchan, I obviously can't answer right now but leave me a message and I'll make sure to call or text you back!"

he curses

outgoing call to JunHoe  
…

"I'm sorry, the number you have dialed has not set up an automated voice message system. Please hang up the phone and try again. Thank you."

There's a pressure behind Amber eyes, a pain in his chest, and warm tears on his cheeks. 

Memories of harsh words falling from his mother's lips reply, the sting of venom in his veins. Disappointed glares after the drop in grades, not even a letter drop but too much for them. 

He curls up, letting his phone rest on his bed beside his head as his body jolts with suppressed sobs. 

It's not passed midnight this time, it's only 8 p.m., but nobody answers, nobody seems to care. 

Byungkwan is alone. 

As he closes his eyes, tears burning, his phone vibrates. 

new message from Sehyoon  
…

'wanna hangout?'


	5. warm

Teeth bit at dry lips, nervousness radiating off his small body as he presses himself against the cold brick wall of the convenience store. It's quiet, like it always is at night in his town, an occasional dog barks in the distance or the blares of late night talk shows scream from the trailer park a block away. 

Light brown eyes darting around the lot, waiting awkwardly. White puffs of smoke leave his lips with each breath.

It feels like eternity before anyone shuffles into the lot, who just happens to be the one he's waiting for. 

It's awkward as Sehyoon comes to stand in front of Byeongkwan, the two haven't really spoken, or texted really, since exchanging numbers. 

Byeongkwan is nervous, confused, and intimidated. But he needed out of that cold house, and he took a chance. 

Sehyoon is somebody he should get to know anyways, he's close with Donghun and Junhee and Yuchan seem to know enough about him to be less awkward. He won't lie, he's curious how Donghun knows the older, but at the same time he's not surprised. Donghun knows more people then Byeongkwan expected apparently, if his recent absence was anything to go by. 

But the point still stands that he's curious about who Sehyoon is. Under the hood and lazy smiles.

The two don't speak at first, and the younger silently following as Sehyoon leans into the wall more. Relaxing. 

It's silent for a moment before the older speaks up, voice soft like rain. 

"Tell me about yourself kid..."

Byeongkwan frowns, head turning and eyes lightly glaring at the name. 

"I'm not a kid, I'm 18."

The blonde snorts, leaning his head back to face the sky.

"I call everyone younger than me kid, don't get offended"

Byeongkwan snuffs out his annoyance, curiosity taking over.  
"So how old are you? 25? 26?" He pauses and squints at the other "or are you like really old?"

Sehyoon jerks his head back down to face Byeongkwan, eyes wide and mouth ajar.

"Do I look that old?!"

The boy just shrugs and turns away to face the lone car passing the store, as he does he can hear a soft laugh from beside him. He ignores the burn in his chest. 

"Well, sorry to disappoint you but I'm 20. A little younger than Donghun."

The boy just hums in response.

"...after that he can't eat kitkats anymore, it's sad but hilarious!"

"Why would you put mustard on a KitKat?!"

"It seemed fucking funny and disgusting at the time! Don't judge me we were was freshman!"

"No! I'm going to judge you! That's a crime against humanity Sehyoon!"


	6. copper teeth

there's so much yelling. too much. 

his ears hurt worse then the stinging on his cheek, his hands twitch to be raised over his ears to block the sound. 

his breath smells like copper, teeth stained, and his inner cheek stings from his spit. 

the room smells like cheap beer and cigarettes, the rancid breath of his father is spit in his face to add to the smells. 

he's silent, head tilted down and only looking to meet crazed eyes when demanded. 

it's an endless cycle.

wake up, go to work, see the kid every few days, come home to a drunk father. 

Sehyoon hates it, hates it more than his dad, more than his mom for dying, for the words spoken behind his back. he wishes he could leave, leave the town and all its people. 

his father tires out, giving him one last shove to the shoulder and walks back to slump into his recliner, the TV playing a game show pulling him into a trace. 

Sehyoon leaves silently, like always. 

as the blond sits on his bed that night he thinks of Donghun, the boy he's known for so long but never helped like he wanted. the boy who slept in his bed for a week before running off with his pot dealer and partying to the fullest. the boy he wishes he could have saved. 

he thinks about Junhee, if he's still watching over Donghun and Chan and Byeongkwan like he always did, from the stories Sehyoon had heared. does he still work two jobs? does he still have his apartment?

is Chan okay? 

finally he thinks of Byeongkwan, the kid. Sehyoon hates to admit how much he enjoys the youngers company, but after a month and a half of hanging out he's become accustomed to the kids awkward humor and twitching. 

he hasn't heard of from the other in a day or two now, sadly. but he's not the type to push, never has been. he hopes the kids okay. 

Sehyoon cringes when he swallows a gulp of metallic saliva, turning his head to the side and sighing. 

one day he'll leave.

maybe he'll even take the kid with him.


	7. angels in the sky

Their backs are to the cold brick wall of the convenience store, clouds of vapor and cigarette smoke floating around them like angels. dressed in thicker clothes, although Sehyoon still only wears his thin hoodie he doesn't shiver or flinch. 

the blonde muses at that, how the older seems so invincible, nothing can touch him and his wall. he's strong in a way that Byeongkwan envied. 

while Sehyoon had Byeongkwan help him dye his hair green in the same EZ Mart bathroom, the younger thought of how much he wished he could do something crazy and spontaneous. 

the now green haired boy wasn't afraid of consequences, he just did. he liked the adrenaline rush.

Sehyoon sighs from beside him, hair falling in his face as he pushes himself away from the wall, and turns to the younger with the smallest of hinted smiles.

"Let's go get my car, I wanna show you something..."

Byeongkwan follows without question, because Sehyoon leads him to freedom. 

Sehyoons car is old and crappy, it makes a clanking noise when it starts up and there's a bag of week old McDonald's in the back seat. but the heat works and it smells like the others cologne. 

Byeongkwan doesn't mind it as much as he probably should, it's an extension of Sehyoon, and Sehyoon is strong. 

He doesn't ask where they're going, because he trusts Sehyoon. Instead he watches as the dark trees and houses pass by, the heat and soft radio music lulling him to sleep.

Sehyoon hums along the song playing, tapping the steering wheel to the beat and occasionally hitting the brakes when he subconsciously speeds up to the music. 

they end up parking on a hill that overlooks the town, in all of it's dark empty glory. 

it's quiet for a few minutes, only the engines rumbling and faint song playing, until Sehyoon shuts the car off, plunging them into the night time silence. 

Byeongkwan watches as the older get out of his car, shutting the door with a creak and sitting down on the hood of his car. Of course he follows after like a puppy. 

the stars are bright, no clouds or smog to block the distant lights, crickets chirp happily and the occasional gust of chilled wind blows against them. 

"when I was a kid..." Sehyoons voices is soft, whispered and sad "...my mom used to tell me that the stars were angels looking down on us..." 

Byeongkwan turns his gaze from the stars and looks at Sehyoon. It's too dark to properly see him, so only the outline of his features are visible, but he looks so young and sad. 

the orders head is tilted up, gazing at the angels in the sky with a lovesick look.

Byeongkwan turns away, eyes focusing back onto the sky, as his friend continues. 

"I always wanted to go up there and meet them, to thank them for over watching us and helping..." his voice cracks "it's childish I know...but I still like imagining that it's true..." 

Even though it's dark, Byeongkwan shakes his head rather violently.  
"It's not childish... sometimes... sometimes we need to dream up fantasy ideas to cope...I like your wish..."

he doesn't flinch when another hand grabs his own or when he notices Sehyoon staring at him out of his peripheral, instead his heart skips for some reason.


	8. I've missed your cologne

the human mind is weak, so easily manipulated by others and its self that it's laughable. 

so easily blinded by sleep, drugs, and sex. 

we go numb so quickly, blank to our own pain or the pain we cause onto others. empty monsters who harm without thought but do it with smiles and hugs and kisses.

somehow Donghun turned into that monster. 

looking outside the picture frame of current events is humiliating, because it's exactly what the town had pegged Donghun to be. 

a drugged up drop out who slept around and partied without thought.  
god how he played into their expectations blindly. 

Donghun is a monster, but he's not numb. 

no. he feels it all. 

The brunette is alone for the first time in almost a month. the house he's been staying at, owned by the guy who happily fed him all the pot and alcohol he could ingest in exchange for a body to use, is constantly bustling with people from all crowds. 

ranging from the rich kids at school Chan always told him about to the proud hippies from a town over. the house was never quite, until today. 

The man (his dealer? his friend? boyfriend? Donghun wasn't even sure what to call him anymore) had left for the next two days to visit a friend. 

Donghun wasn't asking nor complaining, instead he let's his body slump on the creaky couch in the living room of the small house and relax. 

He tries not to think, think about who he misses and cared for. Doesn't want to imagine blonde, black and red hair colors. thinking about cat like eyes, strong facial features and warm hugs only hurts his heart. 

He's been gone too long, and they all heard by now just who Donghun turned into. 

He never wanted to stay away, he loved his friends with his whole being. He cared for Byeongkwan and Chan like his own precious children and Junhee was beyond a best friend. 

sometimes he thinks about calling or texting them, just to see how they're doing.  
Is Junhee getting enough sleep? Remembering to eat? Is Chan getting help in his math class like Donghun asked him to? Is he making sure he doesn't get sick? Is Byeongkwan doing okay? He knows the younger was getting awfully quiet and anxious when he last saw him, was he okay?  
Did Sehyoon hate him?

Donghun realized why he shouldn't be alone anymore, because God damnit if his head wouldn't shut the fuck up. the worries and self loathing thoughts now racing at lightspeed. 

suddenly his skin crawls and he can feel all of the hands that have touched him recently. he can feel clouds of smoke in his lungs and the burning of white drugs up his nose. 

in the end, Donghun realizes that he's just like what everyone said he was. 

"Hello?"  
"Hello...?"

"Junhee..."

"... Donghun? Is that you?"

"J-Jun..."

"Donghun? Are you okay? Did you get a new number, I almost didn't answer the call because I didn't rec-"

"Jun..Junhee..."

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"They were right..."  
"Trash...am I a bad person?"

"Donghun! What are you even talking about? Where have you even been, none of us have even heard from you in almost twon months now!"

"..."

"Are you not going to fucking answer me now? You fucking leave for no reason only to randomly call me at 10 at night to spout nonsense?"

"...I..."

"You what?! Donghun, I know I sound like a dick but what the fuck? Do you even understand how worried I was?!"

"...w-was..."

"Where are you, I'll come pick you up." 

"... oh...um...I..." 

"Donghun! Tell me where the fuck you are!" 

"..."  
"... I... I'm at... I'm at Joohyuks..."

"You're..."  
"...I'll be there in five. be ready."

"J-Jun-"  
beep

When Junhees car pulls into the empty driveway the realization finally sets in and Donghun feels the panic of seeing his friend hit him like a truck. 

He's already packed up, the backpack he packed when he left home is set next to his feet from his spot on the couch. but seeing those headlights dance across the wall opposite the window causes the once symbol of freedom to feel more like a ball and chain. He feels so sick now, sick to his stomach and any second he knows he could easily bend over and cough his organs onto the floor. 

But he stands up, grabbing his bag by it's strap and exhaling a large breath, bracing himself for facing Junhee.  
The front door has never looked so terrifying before, even after the scare with the cops and the aggressive buyer a week into his stay. 

once he steps out, it's reality.  
he does. so very slowly. 

Junhee meets him in front of his ack SUV, leaning against the hood and looking the exact same as the last time they saw each other. except for the blank face. 

Donghun feels like vomiting, right there onto the cement walkway and his own shoes. He's the frog under a microscope in science class, a mannequin in the mall shop windows, a display figurine. 

Juns eyes are hard, glaring into his skin and looking at his blackened bones. The disappointment hurts the most. Junhees words hurt too, tone cold and sharp, like an unused kitchen knife. 

"So this is where you've been for the past two months?" a pause, long enough for Donghun to flinch "At a fucking dealers house? What happened to staying with Sehyoon? I know he didn't fucking kick you out, I've talked to him since then." 

Donghun isn't sure what he should say, words aren't appealing and his throat feels like it's getting shredded by thorns. He wants to cough up the blood. 

"Are you really not going to fucking answer?! Donghun, are you kidding me!" 

Junhees yelling, and subconsciously Donghun hopes he doesn't wake up the neighbors, not because he cares for them but last time someone raised their voice (over who ate the last hot Pocket) in that house they had the cops called on them, again. 

But Jun yelling also makes Donghun shrink into himself, his arms coming up to wrap around himself and hunch his shoulders. call him a pussy, but angery yelling directed at him turns into harsh bruises. 

"- I mean Jesus Christ! What happened to wanting to live a better life? What happened to back up plans, you fucking ran right into Joohyuks arms because why? The drugs? The sex? Donghun what fucking dumbass would just give up all of his friends to sleep with a lowlife! Are you fucking really that stupid?!" 

Donghun skin crawls, the feeling of multiple hands on him and the memory of clouded thoughts burn his chest and make his fingernails digging into his fabric covered arms.

"..fuck happened to us?! I told you to stay with me! I told you I didn't have a problem, but you picked Sehyoon over me and then ditched his ass! I felt like an idiot! Did I mean nothing to you? Did I not fill the gap enough so you had to get fucked by..."

a sob.  
a heart wrenching sob, one that hurts Donghun chest when it leaves his lips and one that shuts Junhee up with a click from his jaw. 

His eyes are clenched shut, rough wails leaving dry and bruised lips.  
Reality sucks. 

"... i-i... oh fuck wait no, D-Donghun! oh f-fuck no...I'm sorry! I-I shouldn't have..."

Donghun not dumb, he knows he deserves to be yelled at, to be hit and abused. He hopes Junhee hits him, he deserves it. but he also can't stop, because the truth hurts so bad and he feels his breath leaving his lungs faster than they can inflate. 

he knows it. He knows.  
"I k-know..."

Junhees hugs are so warm, voice soft as he whispers a thousand apologies into his ear. Donghun knows he's soaked his shirt with snot and tears, scratched his back with how hard he's gripping Junhees jacket. 

Donghun is weak and sick, and he forget how much he missed Junhees cologne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note for my readers!
> 
> Hello!  
'm sorry for the seemingly random two POV changes (read as Sehyoons chapter and this one), but they were planned and with reason. 
> 
> Sehyoons I wanted to add to get a tiny bit of information on his home life and what he thinks of the others.  
while this chapter is added because Donghun was always meant to be a important side character and he and Junhees relationship was always meant to be important. 
> 
> BASICALLY, there is a JunHun (DongHee? DongJun? JunDong?) story arc!  
It isn't as in-depth as WowKwan, but still a major plot point for the story overall. 
> 
> anyways, thank you again and I hope you like the chapter!~  
see you soon!


	9. broken baby teeth

_"Alright class, you're free to go! I hope you all have a good fall break and..."_

  
_Byeongkwan wants to hit himself. To yell and scream or just run away. _

_his teachers voice is muffled by the thoughts racing in his head, the worries and self reflection. _

_the red 58% marked on the corner of his test paper makes his chest burn. the note under kills him. _

_"Will be contacting guardians today"_

_Byeongkwan studied. He stayed up every night and stared at the damn book since the teacher told them about their final test before their brief break. _   
_he's not sure what happened, but it's scared about what's to come. _

_He knows it's dumb to cry over a failed grade, but he's not sure he's crying over the actual grade anymore. _   
  


_When Byeongkwan steps out of the school building, shoulders tense and biting a hole into his bottom lip, a miracle happens. _

_He sees an angel, one with fading green hair and a thin hoodie, with a smoke cloud circling their head. _   
_Sehyoon doesn't have wings and a half, but he's something mystical. _

_The older doesn't say anything as Byeongkwan walks up and enters the car but he knows, he always knows. the comfortable silence that normally surrounds them is tainted with a tense undertone that makes the blonds eyes water again. _

_The two sit for a moment, listening to the engine and radio that's playing on the lowest volume._   
_Byeongkwan can feel Sehyoons eyes glaring into him, waiting. _

_a sigh, painful and weight filled._   
_"I failed a dumb test... I don't know why I'm crying..." _

_Sehyoon shifts in his seat_   
_"Yes you do." _

_"...yeah...I do..."_

_The dry laugh that leaves Byeongkwans lips is sad, it's painful to hear and it makes the blond wonder if Sehyoon realizes how much he sees through him. the truth hurts worse then the foreseeable future. _

_Byeongkwan curls into himself, holding back dumb tears that threaten to break the seal coating his eyes. The sudden anxiety is back, chest burning as he imagines just what's to come. the second he steps foot into the house, the cold building he calls a home. _

_Fears of screaming and sharp nails, a baritone voice with heavy hands and scolding words. a cold home, with cold monsters. _

_He doesn't realize he's shaking and sobbing, shivering despite the heater and small space, until he feels a pressure around him. a hug._

_he's overwhelmed by the smell of nicotine and cologne that has started to feel like home, a true home. _

_it's funny, the power silence holds over us. _   
_it can bring your heart to a stutter in music, it can scare you and build suspense until you break into a run, or it can bring so much comfort and calm you down. _

_silence was never Byeongkwans friend, but with Sehyoon it's okay. _   
_hes not scared or hyped, he's so calm._   
  


_when they finally leave the school parking lot, Byeongkwans face is sticky from the dried tears and his nose is constantly sniffling. The other doesn't comment, but instead just keeps him pressed into his side and runs his chilled fingers through blond hair. _

_Sehyoon struggles a bit with driving with only one hand, his grip a bit jerky, but never moves from comforting the other, because he just knows. _

_as much as he hates it, Sehyoon drives him home. the green haired boys pervious plan of food pushed back long ago with rational thinking. _   
_they'd only be postponing the inevitable, better to face the army now rather than later when they obtain more artillery power. _

_and by the time Sehyoons car is parked a block away from the hellish disguised house, Byeongkwan has stopped crying completely and instead pulls flakes of skin from his inner cheeks until he tastes metal._

_they part with a hug, like they're old sad friends. _   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Byeongkwan understands why parents cherish fallen baby teeth now, the small fragile things in a child's mouth that break with age. _

_He understands how much youth they represent and how much they mean to a parent watching their child grow into an adult. _

_Byeongkwan wishes he still had his baby teeth, instead of the pain in his cheek bone and the copper in his mouth. _

_he wished his parents had kept theirs too_


	10. India ink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, an update so fast?  
this is unhear of!
> 
> I wanted to post this chapter quickly because I really wanted to thank everyone who's been following the story and leaving such wonderful comments on here and Wattpad!
> 
> this story just his 1k+ on Wattpad and I'm so shocked? I really didn't expect that, and I'm just so happy and just .... wow 
> 
> I hope you all continue to enjoy this story! I hope I don't disappoint you!

  
_Tattoos hold meaning, ways of escape and remembrance. _

_Sehyoon has a surprisingly large amount of ink embedded into his skin. all are worn and jagged, the the black dyed skin raised when Byeongkwan runs his fingers over each he can. _

_Each has a meaning, from the largest one to the single colored dot on his pinky. All are smaller, made with cheap inks and makeshift tattooing needles. _

_most hide under the sleeves of Sehyoons thin hoodie, resting on his forearms and hands like gloves. _

_There's a bottle for the first time liquor touched his tongue, a pack of_   
_cigarettes etched over a burn scar to cover the day pain created an addiction, and the rose over his veins is morbidly beautiful because of the marks it hides. _

_Sehyoons arms are covered, India ink and long ago placed scars each with a story and a pain. _   
  
  


_Byeongkwan asks for one, for a mark of his own. something to make him remember that he's human, to dull the bruise on his cheek bone and the ache in his heart. _

_Sehyoon doesn't question is reasoning, only leans over the side of the creaky bed they've been sitting on and pulls a small tin box from underneath. _

_inside is a bottle of black tattoo ink, three needles attached to broken chop sticks and wrapped in clean string, and multiple cleaning agents. _

_they get set aside so Sehyoon can pull out a ink pen and look at the other with a soft gaze, asking in a voice so soft and genuinely sad that it almost throws the younger off. _

_"Do you know what you want?" _

_a beat of silence_

_"...I trust you." _

_the words leave his lips before he can stop them, they taste like vomit and rose petals and it disgusts him to his core. but he's honest, there no burn in his chest anymore, there's only warmth. he's a naive child sitting in front of a man with a pretty smile and a needle and pen in his hand and he feels so calm and normal for once. _

_the breathy laugh that heaves from Sehyoons chest almost makes Byeongkwan smile. almost. _   
  
  
  
  
  


_Sehyoon embeds a black tooth into Byeongkwans left wrist, small and barely noticeable but holding so much power. Sehyoon always knows._

_afterwards Byeongkwan kisses Sehyoon, a fast but calm peck to the cheek that has the orders face heating up and the youngers heart burning. _

_the boy wishes the other would smile like now more, because it's truely beautiful._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_a naive child and a lost man, neither with a true future nor past, but close in heart and will. _

_somehow pulled together in the mix and match of life. the lack of spoken words never forming an obstacle between the two, only forming a tighter bond. _

_ones heart burning while the other slowly thaws , an odd twitsted fate of connection shared between basic strangers. _   
  
  
  
  



	11. bed sheets

_Donghun was 7 years old when he first heard his parents fighting during the dead hours after midnight. _

_the then small child had been woken up to loud screaming and grumbling voices a two rooms away from his tiny and colorful bedroom, the confusion that pumped through his weak veins at the time froze the little body in his bed. the soft sheets grounding him and telling him it wasn't a dream. _

_curious and scared Donghun had left his safe nest, tiptoeing away and to the cracked open door, into the sliver of golden light from the badly lit hallway. _

_the yelling increased as he pressed his ear against the break in the woods, flinching at the loud crashing sound that followed after a beautiful of silence. _

_Donghun never fully understood what was going on that night, why the fights suddenly started or why they got worse as he grew older. _

_yelling scared him, raised voices and quick moving hands froze his blood and caused panic to rise in his throat like bile. _

_he never got hit, he was never yelled at, so why did it cause him such fright? terrified of the day it would be directed at him, the day he'd feel his ears bleed and his skin would burn. but it never came. only silence. _

_Donghun would break them up, but they'd never acknowledge him then or after. it was like he stopped existing after the first fight. _

_so many missed school parties and bad grade phone calls. _

_Donghun grew up knowing the looks he got, the scoffs when he said his parents names and the brushed off looks from his teachers. a mere child ignored because of fucked up parents. _

_Donghun was 14 when he first got into trouble at school, for something he didn't do. _

_the kid who had sat next to him had thrown a paper ball at his friends head, but missed and hit the teacher in the back of the head. Donghun hadn't even seen it happen, his head had been down and he had been busy taking the notes the teacher had been writing on the dry erase board. _

_He had jerked his head up with wide eyes as the teacher had all but screamed his name, face filled with fury and disgust as she gave him detention before spinning around and continuing to write with the marker. _

_Donghun had just sat there with his mouth open, confusion and fear flooding his mind as he could hear the snicker coming from his classmate responsible. _

_it was the first day Donghun really realized how fucked up of a life he was handed, pegged a criminal before he opened his mouth or stepped foot on the crime scene. _

_he'd love to say it didn't get worse, that he never got into trouble again after and spoke up when accused. but of course not, because he was still a scared child. _

_in and out of detention from the remainder of his middle school year and repeating the process into high school. _

_making friends didn't really help, at least not a lot by any means. _  
_although he was thankful for meeting Sehyoon in their sophomore year and the then freshmen Junhee. _

_those two didn't like each other, two different backgrounds and clashing options that ended in fights and snappy comments when the three hung out. _

_but they loved and cared for Donghun enough to attempt to put their hate aside and hug him like blankets. _

_Donghun and Sehyoon link by background and Donghun and Junhee linked by attraction. _

_as Donghun got worse, skipping school because of the snickers and failing tests from sleepless nights, he leaned more and more onto his two friends. _

_The year it became too much, the year he dropped out of high school and pledged himself a scum of society was the year he also found his family. _

_Chan and Byeongkwan became his childs, an oddly maternal need to watch them and hug them took over. easily dragging Junhee into the parental life at 18. _

_they didn't look down on him for his dropping out or home life, instead held him like he did and ignored the bad. _

_but with the good came the bad, tied together by strings on wrists. _

_A year after dropping out his home life only got worse, constantly breaking up his parents fights like a wall and directing the cops away from their house after the nice old neighbors got concerned again. _

_Donghun finally started experimenting with drugs when he turned 19, along side Sehyoon. _

_Nights of them smoking pot together and taking any pill to get them a little high and away from their realities. _

_Somehow Sehyoon became his dirty secret, Junhee and his relationship had gotten too aggressive for him to hang out with them as a group, and Junhee almost refused to let the other around they two youngest. _

_Chan had of course snuck around Junhee and met Sehyoon multiple times with Donghun, because Sehyoon was still Donghun best friend regardless of what his sorta boyfriend said. _

_Donghun regrets not letting Byeongkwan meet Sehyoon sooner, he genuinely thought that the two would be good friends, his long time friend understood people in a much better way than anyone else he'd met. _

_Junhee, however. Junhee was Donghun biggest regret. _

_but not in the way you'd think, because he loved the younger too much and that was the problem. _

_The years of being together, in a half assed relationship of sex and breakdowns followed by more sex. The brushing of hands but never locking fingers. Cold bed sheets the morning after the smell of sweat. _

_Donghun was the impure poison of Junhees life, he'd long accepted that and promised himself to break away, to not hold the other back. Because that all he does, he holds people back and murders their futures. _

_Donghun hated himself, hated his love of cheap drugstore cologne and spearmint toothpaste. Warm morning hugs that had the hint of lavender fabric softener, of breakfast after stayed nights. Most of all he hated the love sick look he knew he and Junhee gave each other. _

_He knew he was in love, he knew and it sucked the life out of him. terrified him. _  
_the roses in his throat cut away the flesh with their thorns. _

_after Donghun ran away, if you could even care it that anymore considering he was a full fledge adult, he wanted to run into Junhees apartment. sleep away the pain in his arms and maybe finally say the most dread three words of his life, but it didn't end like that. _

_In his panicked state he called the one person who didn't scare him, do he knew he couldn't hold back because they were at the bottom just like him. _

_he ran to Sehyoon, to boy he trusted but rarely spoke to now. _

_The younger had told him to call Junhee and meet him at their usual spot. Of course Chan and Byeongkwan followed, not that he minded much when he saw their sad faces. _

_that night he leave Chan, leaves Byeongkwan, leaves Junhee. _

_Sehyoon turns out to be less of a distraction that he would have liked, the other having long stopped any hard drugs and activities in a hope to have a chance to move out of the god forsaken town they called home. So he takes it into his own hands. _

_Joohyuk became his new distraction, and Donghun was finally distracted. _

_Pot and Alcohol became his daily life, he ignored the texts and calls from his friends, even his babies Chan and Byeongkwan, in favor of drinking away his reality. _

_The arrangement Joohyuk offered made Donghun feel , for the lack of a better word, like a whore. But donghun only felt that once a week, the singular day he was sober enough to think properly and hate himself even more. _

_He wonders if the reason he cried during their "escapades" was because those hands were nothing like Junhees. _

_Junhee didn't leave the nasty bruises on his hips, didn't break the skin of his shoulder, would never ignore his pained screams and definitely wouldn't let him cry himself to sleep._

_Donghun didn't deserve Junhee, he deserved the purple cheekbone, aching back and knees and the tear stains on his face. Donghun didn't deserve shit. _  
  
  


_After Junhee had picked Donghun up from Joohyums house they didn't speak again, the orders soft pitiful whimpers being the only sound in the car as they drove back to the oh so familiar home. _

_The small apartment building hadn't changed, and neither had Junhees rented one. down to the clothes off the floor and lazily thrown school books on the small coffee table. _

_the silence is uneasy, Donghun knows Junhee wants to speak. the sudden inhale of breath and opening and closing mouth is evidence enough and he feels so guilty for being here now. _

_the earlier call and Junhees yelling is still lingering in his ears, he feels dumb. _

_Donghun awkwardly stands in the middle of the small living room while Junhee sits down on the only couch available, the wooden frame creaking under the added weight. He watches as the younger rests his head in his hands, elbows propped up on he knees as he hunches into himself. _

_Donghun feels like cries again, but ignores the lone tear that trailed down his cheek again. _

_eventually Junhee speaks, voice muffled from the angle._  
_"God damnit Donghun..."_

_The mentioned male flinches, curling into himself subconsciously and looking down the carpeted floor. _

_the couch creaks again. _

_"Go shower, I'll bring you some clothes."_

_Donghun doesn't speak, only nods his head and walks towards bathroom next to the only bedroom in the apartment. _

_The bathroom, like the rest of the home, is small but large enough to not be an inconvenience. the fluorescent lighting turns Donghun skin a sickly pale color as he look into the mirror. _

_Sad eyes seem worse, exhausted and wet. He needs a hair cut soon, the dark brown locks are messy and too long for his liking. Cheeks hollowed more than before, lips chapped. _

_he blinks away the disgust he feel as he turns away from the mirror and strips his (they're not his, they're a mix of random articles left at Joohyuk house from the many visitors) clothes. _

_the water is cold, he doesn't turn the nob warm it up, and numbs his skin. He can't feel the fingers or the teeth. He scrubs until his nails hurt and his skin is tender to the touch despite the temperature of the water. the shampoo and conditioner smells like home, it makes his stomach turn._

_he turns off the water with chattering teeth, stepping out of the cubicle with shaky legs and grabs a soft towel from overhead cabinet and wraps it around his body within a second. he feels exposed. _

_there's a knock of the door before it clicks open, Junhees body slipping through quietly with a bundle of his other in his hands. Donghun keeps his head down, water droplets falling from his hair and onto the floor with soft padding sounds. _

_a sigh and Junhee sets the clothes on the countertop, eyes scanning Donghun and wincing as he sees his skin. _

_The faint shadow of Donghuns ribs are starting to show, skin pale in the most unattractive way. He takes in the fading finger shaped bruises on his left arm and feels like his chest is imploding. _

_Donguns voice, soft and weak, breaks his internal battle. _  
_"can you turn around?" _

_Junhee notices that the clothes that he brought are moved closer to the older, and the pieces in his hand are held tightly in fists against his chest. He knows it's wrong as the word no leaves his lips, but he finds the request a bit ridiculous given their relationship. _

_He watches as Donghun takes a shuttering breath, before letting his towel fall and quickly pulling on the pair of shorts he was given. But Junhee still sees the flash of discolored skin, the bruising on his hips and thighs. a mix of old scares and new abuse. _

_He's never seen him so broken, like a lost child with burdens too heavy to bare so they stumble on scrapped knees. _

_the hand that lands on Donghuns shoulder after he's hastily tugged on his - junhees - shirt makes him jump and recoil. head jerking down again, embarrassed by the reaction. _

_he hears another sigh before Junhee steps back and pulls the door open, stepping out and muttering a soft "come'on" _

_Donghun follows after, feet dragging and head still down as Junhee leads him to his bedroom. The younger sits in the bed, and Donghun notices that it's covered in the same deep red bedsheets as the last time he visited. _

_"Come'on. I'm tired, were going to sleep." _

_Donghun jerks his head up, eye wide and brows furrowed. _  
_"why..."_

_Junhee looks annoyed now, and rolls his neck at Donghun cut off question. He stands up and walks to the older, grabbing his left arm and pulling him towards the bed, before walking back towards the door and hitting the light switch a bit harder than necessary. _

_slowly and unsure the older crawls into the warm bed, settling far away from Junhee as he also lays down. Donghun is tense and his breathing is forced, curled into himself as he inhales the smell of lavender laundry softener._

_he's slowly drifting off after laying there for ten silent minutes when he feels Junhee shift on the bed and suddenly he's pulled against the other, harshly pressed into the others side. Junhees hand on his back rubs in circles, like he used to whenever he was sick. _

_Donghun can't help the tears that pool, or the shuttered breath he let's out against Junhees ribs. once comforting voice vibrating from the chest his head is leaning against. _

_"just go to sleep...we'll talk in the morning..." _

_subconsciously Donghun grips the fabric covering Junhees stomach, and simply inhales shakily. _

_"...just go to sleep..."_  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another Donghun chapter!  
it also happens to be the longest chapter I've written for s&c at a whopping 2340 words! oof.
> 
> I didn't plan on this chapter to be about him, it was originally meant to be more Byeongkwan and Sehyoon bonding but I just got lost in writing....
> 
> This explains a bit of Donghuns passed and why he suddenly left their group, also talks about his and Juns relationship.
> 
> I'll most likely never state it in the chapters, but I want to point out that Donghun and Junhee are not and have never been a official couple. They're sorta above friends with benefits, because they're genuinely in love with one another but neither has confessed or even really addressed their future as a couple.
> 
> I mainly wanted to point it out because it talks about Donghun sleeping with other people while also sleeping with Junhee.
> 
> I'd also like to make it clear that Donghuns relationships were technically nonconsensual because he was both under the influence for most of the occurrences as well as not in the correct mind set.
> 
> next chapter will also be about Donghun and Jun, but after that it'll switch back to Byeongkwan for a handful of chapters.
> 
> The DongJun subplot is much angstier than WowKwans plot.
> 
> until next chapter!
> 
> (I make a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes because of my dyslexia! I'm also writing everything on my phone and don't notice my errors! if you seem major ones please let me know so I can fix them! a lot slip under my radar when I reread!)


	12. i hate that i love you, why cant you understand that!

_Donghun wakes up to the smell of cooking food, to the cool bedsheets around him. _

_He sits up, hand reaching up to ruffle his bed head ridden hair. the bedroom lights are off, only the open windows curtains illuminating the familiar room. Donghun sighs, hearing noise from deeper into the apartment. _

_He knows Junhees is awake, and it makes his stomach churn. _

_with a deep breath Donghun slips out of the soft bed, bare feet padding against the carpet as he slowly steps towards the barely cracked open door. _

_he peaks out, seeing Junhees back to him as he stands in the small kitchen, movements sluggish. _

_It's hard, taking the few steps to exit the room. he knows what's coming, expects Junhee to yell and lecture him and kick him out. why wouldn't he? the butterflies in Donghuns stomach turn into rabid birds, slamming against his insides and making him nauseous. _

_finally he pulls the door open, the hinges making a soft almost inaudible squeak as they move. Donghun wants to stop and turn around, go back and continue the dreamless sleep he awoke from. but he presses on. _

_Junhee still had his back to him, shirt moving with his shoulder blades and arms as he cooks. the smell now better identified as eggs and cooking toast. How domestic it looks, but how sad it makes his heart feel. _

_as Donghun steps off of the living room carpet and onto the tile flooring Junhee turns. _

_His hair's still a bit messy, lazily brushed with his fingers to lay into submission, face still slightly puffy from sleep and eyes tired. _

_he's tired, but not just physically, Junhee is emotionally exhausted too. _

_Donghun never forgot how hard the other had it, never ignored or overlooked the triple shifts Junhee took or the missed rent payments that had the younger so stressed he made himself physically sick. _

_But Junhee, despite all his hardships, still looked out for and took care of his friends. his family._

_Donghun would always feel guilty, about the days he kept the other up at night, talking on the phone to calm himself down, or the times he begged the other to stay with him despite knowing Junhee had work within a few hours. He was so selfish when he thinks about it . _

_He'd been so selfish these last two months, only indulging in activities that blanked his mind and distracted him. he ran from his reality, while Junhee dealt with everyone else's. _

_The younger startles slightly as his gaze lands on the disheveled Donghun. His eyes are soft for a split second, before his face goes blank again. _

_Donghun looks down, to the cold floor that's slowly chilling up his bare legs, he can't keep eye contact. _

_he can hear Junhee move around, feel his body walk closer to him before his wrist is grabbed and he's being pulled further into the tiny kitchen. they halt and Donghun bites down on his tongue as Junhee pats the counter near the heated stove silently before stepping back over and continuing to watch as the eggs cook. _

_Donghun feels himself slip back into their older days, mornings like this but without the tense atmosphere and the waking demons. one where Donghun sits on the same spot on the counter and watches Junhee attempt to cook. _

_so he does, hops up and cringes as his legs touch the cold surface where his shorts have bunched up. his back rests against the overhead cupboard but instead of watching pretty hands_   
_mess up breakfast he stares at his lap._

_Donghun and Junhee settle in silence, this awkward and tense silence that makes the olders skin crawl. _

_Junhee turns off the stove finally, but doesn't move to plate the food, only pushing the pan to a cold burner. He braces his hands on the edge of the warm stove, head down as he just breathes. _

_"Jun...?" Donghun bites down on his bottom lip as the name leaves it, hard enough to taste the metallic life on his tongue and feel it slowly coat his teeth. "do you hate me?" _

_Junhee sighs deeply, standing straight as he pushes himself off of the stove. He startles Donghun by suddenly letting out a frustrated yell, throwing his head back and taking a step back to lean against the tiny kitchen island. _

_The other stands there for a moment, eyes closed and chest heaving. He brings his head back down, dark eyes glaring into Donghuns watery ones. Junhee looks away again, this time landing on Donghuns hands in his lap, watching as his hands shake with nerves and fear. _

_he speaks up, voice soft but strained. _   
_"No...I don't hate you..." _

_a pause._

_"i hate myself... I hate that I can't hate you... why..." the words choke in his throat _

_"you should hate me... it's okay to hate me Junhee... I understand" Donghun blurts, words flowing out like the blood in his mouth. "I would hate me too, don't worry about it..."_

_Junhee let's out another frustrated yell, this time moving away from the island and stepping in from of Donghuns, grabbing the olders shoulders in an almost painful grip. _   
_"i hate that i love you, why cant you fucking understand that Donghun!"_

_Donghun flinches and stares wide eyed at Junhee, seeing the tear dripping down his smooth cheek as the other continues to yell in his face._

_"You're so stupid! I physically can't hate you, Donghun! You're all I can see, you're all I can smell, you're all I can feel! whether you're next to me or acting like a slut-" _

_"-p-please don't call me that-"_

_"I don't care! You can't even imagine what I went through when Sehyoon told me you ran off! I made myself sick, I spoke to that fucker more in those first two weeks than I ever did growing up because I was so worried and I thought... I thought maybe he could h-help!" his voice cracks as he plants his hands on the counter top around Donghun, he drops his head again "Donghun...you left. you just left us...you left me..." _

_as Junhees voice dies out Donghun can feel tears land on his legs, darkening the material in odd intervals like rain drops. Absorbing into his skin and taking his breath away. _

_There are times in our lives when we have to take responsibility for our actions. We could be small children who has just told our parents about eating sugar before bed, or we could be on our death beds at 86 having to spill to our kids all of our long kept secrets. _

_Secrets and actions come with karma and retaliation, and we have to face the music at some point. Sound waves bursting our ear drums and slicing arteries. _

_As Donghun stares at Junhees hair and listens to his choked breathing, he understands that now is the time he needs to take responsibility for everything he's done. for the years of actions and secrets he's kept. _

_he swallows the blood in his mouth, teeth marks crushed into his bottom lip stinging as he swipes his tongue over it in thought. _

_Donghun closes his eyes and leans forward, knocking his own head gently against Junhees. _

_"I..." _

_he takes a deep breath, bringing on of his hands up to rest loosely on the side of Junhees neck, feeling the others sudden gulp under his finger tips. _

_"I... I'm scared...I...I'm scared that you're the one for me...junhee...I don't and never will deserve you..." he drops his hand, letting it land on his lap and get hit with the slow dripping rain drops "...I'm...I'm not good for you...I've hurt you so much...i ruined anything we had. I'm stupid and useless, I will only hold you back! you're better off without me...a drop out...I do drugs... you're right to call me a slut, because what else am I? Junhee you shouldn't care for me because I'll just ruin your life even more." _

_Junhee pulls his head away, but Donghun keeps his still, eyes still closed as they leak his feelings down his cheeks. _

_"...but I think...I know..." his chest burns "I know that I...that I...love you! It's stupid, and I know you said you loved me but you should hate me! please, just hate me?!" his voice raises and cracks "I'm begging you to just hate me! Hit me, throw me out, call me names! Please...Junhee..."_

_the pain in his chest is covered by the harsh pressure against his bruised lips. Breath against his face and the overwhelming smell of home. _

_Donghun doesn't process the next few moments, because when he opens his eyes his fingers are tangled into black locks, there's blood and mint on his breath and he feels familiar hands on his waist. _

_There's still tears falling down his face, sad eyes burry from the water coating them and causing Junhee to look more like a dark and light colored blob in front of him. _

_"why did..." _

_Junhee laughs, it's sad and strained and hurts Donghuns chest like it came from him, but brings a hand from the olders waist to rest against his cheek instead. _   
_"I think the only words I heard you say were that you loved me...I blanked on the rest..." _

_It's Donghuns turn to laugh, but his is loud, watery and wholesome. _   
_"you idiot!" _

_Junhee doesn't stop the small grin that twitches at his lips as he watches Donghun smile. memories of an innocent boy with braces and sad eyes, the boy he met and saw the stars in. Of years later when it's no longer just them, when two kids joined their group and made it a proper family. _

_Junhee sees Donghun as he is, not as the hard words he's thrown at him in his fit of anger or the whispers of the town. _   
_He sees him as a scared kid who fucked up, but who wants to fight in the ring. _

_Donghun, the boy he loved. the boy he loves._

_Love makes people do crazy and dumb things, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not. We hurt each other and beg for forgiveness, because they're all we have, and we know they'll come back. _

  
  


_"I'm sorry..." _

_"I know."_

_"I...Junhee?"_

_a pause_

_"Yeah?" _

_"I meant it...y'know..."_

_"I know..." _

_"did...you...mean it too?"_

_a snort_

_"you're stupid, y'know that?" _

_"is that a no?" _

_"...of course I meant it..."_

_"...Junhee?"_

_"hm?" _

_"do you think I'm a bad person?" _

_"no, never."_

_"okay..."_

_A broken person needs someone to lean onto, even if they don't realize they have someone right beside them._

_Donghun forgot that Junhee was his knight long ago, but maybe it worked out better this way. _

_no more secrets, no more lies, no more denying._

_they hate that they love each other, but we don't get to decide who our hearts need. _   
_NEED...not want._

_Donghun NEEDED Junhee. _   
_Junhee NEEDED Donghun. _

_they needed each other._

_and for the first time in years, he didn't regret his actions._   
  
  
  


_ **Donghun was finally home.** _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's basically the end of the DongJun plotline.  
they probably won't be getting anymore separate chapters, since that's basically it (unless you guys want more? idek what to add?), and it'll only focus on WowKwan from this point on!
> 
> This chapter was hard to write, and honestly I originally wrote it to be much more fight heavy but I thought that they deserved to have a calmer chapter as their ending.
> 
> I'm not 100% satisfied with it, but I don't want to rewrite it again after I changed so much?  
ya' boys tired okay...
> 
> but oof!  
I hope you liked their little subplot, ONWARDS TO WOWKWAN! ~
> 
> ALSO  
I made a Spotify playlist for this book!  
it has all the tagged songs from the chapters, and it will be continuously added too til the end of the story!
> 
> https://tinyurl.com/yeyvtdky


	13. the Bunker ™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -  
sorry for the long wait before an update!  
I've been kinda busy and this chapter was hard to write even though I have the next few (this one included) outlined  
but oof
> 
> if you see any errors please tell me so I can fix them! thank you~
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

  
_" Byeongkwan, just where do you think you're going?" _

_"I'm going over to Yuchans! See you later!" _

_"Byeongkwan wait-"_

_the front door slams shut. _   
  


_Sehyoon had a plan, one that involved a trip into the EZ-MART apparently. _

_Byeongkwan probably should have asked what the older had planned to do for the day after the rushed call he received an hour prior, but somehow all the previous caution and anxiety in Byeongkwans head dissipated. _

_He trusted Sehyoon, because Sehyoon understood._

_The early December air is sharp as it's sucked into Byeongkwans lungs, the hoodie he's bundled up in is barely keeping the bitting chill away from his skin, but the damn thing is comfortable._

_He speed walks, almost jogs, up to the front of the gas station, hastily pushing open the smudged glass door. _

_Heat hits Byeongkwans face and burns his nose and cheeks, hot air now warming his body as he takes a deep breath. _

_As he glances around the store he spots the familiar freshly dyed pink hair, the owner was still turned away and poking around the various candies and snacks on the shelf in front of them. _

_Byeongkwan smiles to himself and quietly walks over, grabbing a pack of strawberry flavor gum from the from display shelf of the aisle._

_He speaks around the shelves, before suddenly popping up in front of the person from the otherside of the shelf._

_Soft lashes, longing gazes and shy smiles. Hitched breathing and smoke clouds. Strawberry flavored gum and burning nicotine. _

_Shy smiles exchanged from over convenience store shelves, eyes locking around Pringles cans and beer bottles._

_A simple question had fallen from chapped lips. _

_"Wanna get out of here?"_

_Byeongkwan snorts at Sehyoons question, shaking his head and poking one of the bottle of beer in front of him out of boredom._

_"you sound like a creeper"_

_it's Sehyoons turn to snort, throwing his head back as he smiles that pretty smile of his._

_"Ouch, and here I was thinking I'm charming!" _

_the two stock up on snacks, and Byeongkwan can't break the sad nostalgic feeling he gets as he sets his things onto the counter. _

_memories of Yuchans hyper energy that triggered his own, Donghuns savage remarks and shoulder pushes, of Junhees pure smiles and clumsy tripping. _

_when was the last time he'd spoken to any of them?_

_after Donghun ran off everything fell apart, Junhee stopped answering calls and Byeongkwan can only assume he picked up another shift, and Yuchans parents had cracked down on him hard after he got sick and fell behind in school because of it. _

_Sure he saw Chan at school, but only briefly in passing period and short waves after and before school. _

_they're little family just seemed to cease to exist. they all just...continued on._

_that's not to say Byeongkwan didn't miss of think about the others, he still worried about Donghun, missed Junhees nagging, and Yuchans hugs, but at the same time Sehyoon seemed to take their place. _

_they'd begun spending so much time together that Byeongkwan didn't have time to think about the others anymore, somehow it became just Byeongkwan and Sehyoon._

_even now, despite that sad nostalgia that ached at his chest, he still saw Sehyoon. _   
_Dumb pink hair and thin hoodie._   
_the pretty smile that slowly showed more and more the longer they spent time together._

_Byeongkwan wasn't dumb, naive sure but not dumb. he knew very well of his slight infatuation with the older, his deep need to be around him, to see him, to talk to him. He realized quick enough that his little crush had developed into what people his age called love. _

_that the burn in his chest the day he met the other was just under-developed attraction. _

_Sehyoon had showed signs of interest in him as well, though much more subtly compared to Byeongkwan. _

_The older didn't act on it though, even after Byeongkwan had pressed that shy kiss to his face like a school girl. he smiled that pretty smile of his and continued to clean up the india inked tooth and never brought it up. _

_it sent mixed signals, but Sehyoon was a large mixed signal in the first place. _   
_so hard to read and understand like a child attempting Morse code or hieroglyphics._

_Sehyoons hugs burned, a type of warmth that didn't just touch his skin, his words held more weight, simple compliments made Byeongkwans heart rate skyrocket. _

_a mysterious man that popped into his life, one who somehow became such a main character that Byeongkwan forgot he was the plot point. somehow it became them. _

_With their snacks secured and a pleasant nod to the sleepy cashier, the two were off. bolting towards the old beat up car. _

_The music is louder tonight, it's not the soft radio but instead Sehyoons aux cord thats blashing his hype playlist through the speakers. _

_They're singing along, it's nice the way their voices blend together. sure they're not the best singers to exist, but only the distant coyotes and angels in the sky can judge them. _

_Despite the cold air they drive with the windows down, the icy air bites at Byeongkwans cheeks, reminding him that he's human. _

_Sehyoons plan apparently involved trespassing._

_Byeongkwan figures that out pretty quick as they pass the large red letter printed keep out sign in front of the junkyard._

_Somehow Byeongkwan doesn't care, caution gone._

_The blonde watches as Sehyoon shuts off the car and sends Byeongkwan a smile before patting his thigh. _

_"Okay kid, time for me to show you something cool." _

_The two slide out of the car, the cold wind nipping at Byeongkwans cheeks again, and Sehyoon grabs the backpack he'd shoved all their snacks into out of the backseat. the bag making a loud rattling sound as it's moved._

_the older grabs Byeongkwans hand and pulls him towards the junkyard, the dark abandoned cars and signs creating a jungle of twisted metal._

_Byeongkwan had never stepped foot near the town's junkyard before, it was a sort of taboo area for the town's youths. well, for those who kept a good head on their shoulders at least. _

_The junkyard was home to the towns punk kids and the meth heads. _

_Sehyoon didn't seem nervous, walking straight in with relaxed shoulders and a small grin. meanwhile Byeongkwan kept glancing over his shoulder and darting his eyes around ahead of them at the smallest sound. _

_the two make their way towards the back of the yard, towards a large yellow school bus. _

_under just the moon light Byeongkwan could see the lines of spray paint wrapping around the vehicle, curling over themselves and creating words languages that we're both spoken and seen only visually, art and quotes._

_the boy blinks, staring at each blotch of paint, trying to decipher each inch as quickly as he could as Sehyoon tugs him along. _

_Sehyoon pulls the door open, the creaking metal hinges spooking Byeongkwan a bit at the loudness, and turns back to the other with a wide smile. _

_"Welcome to The Bunker"_

_Byeongkwan raises a brow in curiosity_   
_"The Bunker?"_

_Sehyoon just nods his head, hair falling into his eyes and causing him to shake his head to get rid of them, like a puppy. The pink haired man and pulls Byeongkwan into the bus, letting go of his hand and walking deeper into the bus. _

_Byeongkwan is left at the front of the bus, standing awkwardly as the moon light slips through the windows, barely illuminating the inside. he can see Sehyoons back to him, messing with something. _

_there's an audible click sound and suddenly there's light. _

_Strings of fairy lights line roof, just hung above the windows in little slopes, casting a warm golden light around the bus and onto the two boys. _

_there's an old couch pushed to the side of the wall, torn up but decently clean, off the the back, just behind Sehyoon sat a small mattress on the floor, colorful blankets and pillows thrown over it. around the walls are posters and drawings, the metal walls inked with spray paint and sharpies. _   
_names, signatures of familiar names._

** _Donghun was here ♥_ **

** _King Wow _ **

** _-Junhee Park-_ **

_There's photos hung up, Polaroids of Sehyoon, Donghun and Jun. They all look so young, Sehyoon has natural black hair, Junhee doesn't look so tired. Donghun still had braces, and the biggest smile on his face Byeongkwan had ever seen. _

_They all do. in every photo they look so happy. so young. _

_Sehyoons voice draws Byeongkwans attention away, to turn and see the sad look on the elders face as he eyes tge same pictures. _

_"This was our hangout... Donghun found it when he was younger, and when we all became friends he showed it to us." _

_Byeongkwan frowned_   
_"Was?"_

_"Yeah, was." he pauses, sniffling his nose before turning away with a sad smile "but that's fine, I'm fine with being alone out here."_

_Byeongkwans frown deepens, his heart clenching in his chest and burning his insides._

_Sehyoon is a mystery, but sometimes he's so transparent, a perfect display. _   
_He can tell how much the other has spent alone, forgotten and left in this abandoned school bus in the middle of nowhere. _

_Byeongkwan doesn't want him to feel alone anymore, he knows the frights in the night and the howls of the damned all too well. For once Byeongkwan wants to be a home, he wants to be Sehyoons home. _

_so he bites down on his lip, swallows the lump that's formed in his throat, and steps forward. _

_Byeongkwan grabs Sehyoons thin hoodie, the soft fabric is burning his finger tips but he just tightens his grip as the other turns to face him better._

_"Kid? you okay? Byeongkwan?"_

_The blond just shakes his head, and leans forward, harshly pressing his lips to Sehyoons._

_there's not fireworks, there's not tingle on his lips, it doesn't feel magical. _   
_but it feels right, it feels like home._

_strawberry flavored gum and the secondhand taste of nicotine._

_the minute feels like hours before Byeongkwan pulls away, eyes closed with bliss and nervousness at the same time. _   
_the warm hands on his waist feel like fire though his jacket, the overwhelming smell of familiar cologne comforts him. grounding. _

_Slowly Byeongkwan opens his eyes, meeting the smooth darkness of the others._

_that fucking smile is there again, but this time Byeongkwan doesn't want it to ever go away._

  
  



	14. December mornings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!  
I'm so so so sorry for the very long wait for an update!
> 
> life kinda took over, lack of motivation and not having anything to type on (If you saw my recent post you'll know that I haven't had my laptop and I broke my phone more so it's hard to type on my screen now lmao) 
> 
> I'll be 100% honest and say that I'm disappointed with this chapter, I say that alot but I really had more plans for it and I'm just... uhg
> 
> I'm not extremely motivated to write at the moment, its really annoying and I'm pissed at myself for it because it's put me behind. 
> 
> next chapter will be better, and longer, since I'm going to cram what was supposed to happen in this one in that one too, yup be prepared...
> 
> again I'm so sorry guys!  
:(

_Byeongkwan wakes up warm, the overwhelming smell of fading cologne, dust, and warm sun rays invading his nose all at once. He lifts his head up, blurry eyes taking in the now much brighter bus and the early morning light that shines through the few unblocked windows. _

_He turns his head to the side, eyes landing on a still sleeping Sehyoon, whos chest raises and falls in slow intervals. The soft glow of light beems on his cheeks and over his nose, making him seem even softer than normal. _

_a breath away from angelic, although Byeongkwan already considered him one of the ethereal beings, his guardian even. _

_His ground, his new light and focus. Sehyoon was his dream, turned future. _

_Byeongkwan doesn't feel like a creep, watching as Sehyoon breaths in relaxed intervals. He felt too at peace, warm in his chest but not burning for once. _

_One of Sehyoons hands is rested on his stomach, the other most likely numb from Byeongkwan using it as a pillow for god knows how long now. Nails painted a chipped black color, a freedom Byeongkwan didn't have, like many he wished for. _

_Byeongkwan finds himself lifting his own hand to hold onto the others hand, absently picking at the remaining nail polish, little black flakes of paint collecting under his own nails like ugly french tips. _

_there's a muffled laugh near his head, startling him a bit. _

_"What are you doing?" _

_"Nothing!"_

_"are you scrapping the paint off of my finger nails?"_

_"N-No!" _

_Byeongkwan pushes himself up, not even caring that he pushes all of his body weight onto Sehyoons stomach as he uses the hand that had caused the whole situation to lift himself up, the older of course yelps and curls into himself in pain. _

_The blonde stretches, bones and joints popping with each movement, and looks down at Sehyoons curled up body. _

_"You okay?"_

_there's a muffled response that makes Byeongkwan tilt his head a bit in confusion. _  
_"Repeat that?"_

_Sehyoon groans loudly, sitting up and glaring at the standing boy. _  
_"I said, that's not a way to treat your boyfriend" _

_"B-boyfriend?"_  
_Byeongkwan stutters out, face heating up as his eyes widen. _

_Sehyoon just blinks up at him, glare softening up in a second and a small smile pulling at his lips. _  
_"I mean...if you want?" _

_Byeongkwans chest is burning, but it's comforting now, reminds him that's he's actually on Earth and not the afterlife. He darts his eyes away, clearing the roses from his throat. _  
_"oh...um yeah sure...cool?" _  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Their packing up their left over snacks when Sehyoon suddenly stops, freezing in his spot as he grips his phone in his hand. Byeongkwan who had been standing next to him notices and frowns. _

_"Sehyoon? Are okay?" _

_the older is silent for a moment, scrolling up and down on his screen, eyes darting back and forth. When he finally speaks his voice is soft, a bit strained and tense. _

_"Junhee texted me..."_

_Byeongkwans eyes widen, and moves to step closer and look at the cellphone. _  
_"Jun? What'd he say, I haven't heard from him in a while now!"_

_Sehyoon just tenses up, and pulls the phone further away from Byeongkwans reach. the younger frowns, a bit offended. _  
_"Hey! What's wrong?!"_

_Byeongkwan reaches for the phone again, successfully grabbing it and stepping away from the older as he protests loudly and grabs back for the device. _  
_"BK give that back!" _

_Byeongkwan ignores the older and looks at the cracked screen, a text thread still open. _  
  


_Junhee Park _  
_..._

_Donghun called me last night, I picked him up from Joohyuks._  
_I didn't want to tell you but he won't stop asking about you and the kids. _  
_Don't reply, I don't want him seeing a new message from your number. _  
  
  


_"BYEONGKWAN GIVE ME THE GOD DAMN PHONE RIGHT NOW!"_

_The blond flinches, the sudden yell in his ear and the harshness of the tone making him shut down. The phone drops from his hand, landing on the bus floor with a crack just as loud as the ringing in Byeongkwans head. _

_He shuts his eyes, bracing for something physical. but it never comes, only a soft touch on his shoulders and a soft voice filled with worry. _

_"B-BK...i'm sorry..." Sehyoons sounds so small, that the younger feels himself relax a tiny bit subconsciously. "I didn't mean to yell like that...I'm really..." _

_It's unhealthy how easily he accepts the apology, how fast he chooses to forget the previous fear inducing scream. blinded so quickly by the label of a relationship and the sweet taste of nicotine. _  
_Byeongkwan shakes his head, teary eyes meeting the others sad and guilt filled ones. _

_"i-Its okay..." _  
  
  
  


_"Why does Junhee hate you?"_

_"it's long story." _

_"...I have time?"_

_"maybe another day kid, just not today please." _

_"okay..."_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	15. sanctuary

_For whatever reason, caused by whatever being above, nothing stays good forever. _

_a never-ending battle of good and evil, a price to pay for good fun and health?_

_Byeongkwan didn't know why he didn't expect it sooner, why he ignored and pushed back the inevitable backlash he'd receive. _

_His time spent running around with someone labeled trash in the town's eyes came to an end all too fast. _

_but the fall was hard, and left him with bruises on his soul and a weakened state of mind. _

_His house was still so cold, the December chill held nothing to the Antarctic seas that flooded that house. _

_All pristine condition and clay modelled picket fences. The ever glowing eyes of his family. _

_Byeongkwan knew something wasn't right the moment he'd stepped into the buildings threshold. the muffled voices coming from the living room, the sudden hush, and the snapping heads in his direction. everything rang danger and sent his heart racing._

_his mother's styled hair, higher class clothes and her burning brown eyes. his father's furrowed brows, cold glare and crossed arms. the absence of warmth. _   
_"Byeongkwan, have a seat." _

_He forgets how hard their couch is, how unlived the whole house was. _   
_He forgot the sting those eyes caused, the bass of his father's voice or the shrill screech of his mother's. How they sounded like demons, gnarled hands resting on his shoulders in nothing but faux love. _

_His back is straight, hands at his sides, nails biting into his palms. His chest is tight, air not flowing as he waits with impatient and anxiety at the presence of his parents. _   
_His father shifts._

_"Where have you been?" _

_"I told Mom I was staying at Yu-" _

_"I called Yuchans mother, you weren't answering your phone and I got worried. Imagine my surprise when I was informed that my son hadn't talked to her in a good month and a half. So, Byeongkwan, where have you been." _

_fuck_

_Byeongkwan bites his cheek, fingernails breaking his skin. _

_"I..."_

_his father stands up_   
_"You know son, you've been sneaking out, your grades have been dropping, and you won't believe the rumors I heard the other day." _

_no..._

_"...ark told me that he thought he saw you with that Kim boy. But hat couldn't be correct right?"_

_His chest burns. _

_"Because no son of mine would ever be around someone like that right? He would never be sneaking out to go to that run down gas station on the other side of town to hang around a bunch of freaks and delinquents, right?" _

_His father steps closer. _   
_"No son of mine would befriend two druggies and a pretty boy, right?!"_

_Byeongkwan's pulled up from his seat, hands gripping at the ones holding onto his jacket collar, the fabric closing around his throat as that bass voice yells. _

_"RIGHT?!"_

_bile rises into his throat, but he chokes it down and he paws at his father's hands. fight or flight kicking in and reminding Byeongkwan that he wants to live. _

_he breaks away, his father stumbling a bit as Byeongkwan kicks out in panic. _

_Dashing away, legs aching at the sudden bolt. His heart is pounding, banging against his ribs and thumping like a heavy bass in his ears. He trips over the coffee table, landing hand on his knees and smacking his face the couches arm, the copper taste coats his tongue and his lips sting from where his teeth had punctured the skin. _

_He shouldn't be panicking, but the ringing in his ears doesn't cover the shrill shriek of his mother's yells or the vibration under his hands as his father walked towards him again. _

_He has only one thought clear in his mind, run. _

_but why is he running, what has he done. how can he be so scared of the people who brought him life, the ones who sheltered him and fed him since birth. how can he been so scared of his own family. _

_in the back of his head he knows that he's right, that the slaps and the punches deserve jail time. The depression he's felt and the lackluster acknowledgement we're nothing but abuse, sugar coated to look like strict parenting. _

_inky black hands and needle toothed grins_

_His body is on autopilot, scrambling up and bolting for the door_

_run. run. run. run. _

_the door slams behind him, but his parents shouts fall to dead ears. _   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_his sanctuary is the smell of Marlboro cigarettes, freshly dyed black hair, and thin hoodies. _

_Sehyoon just holds him in a tight embrace, while everything slowly syncs in. _

_Byeongkwan becomes just another statistic, but he doesn't mind that much..._


	16. weightless

  
_a white flower amongst a field of lavender._

_that's what he was, he was the black sheep, the _ _outcasted_ _, the odd one out._

_it just took him too long to figure that out, it took 18 years for him to figure it out. _

_it hadn't been his life, his parents ideals or their plastic mold that he was supposed to form to. _

_that fake mask he'd plastered on to his face, the one that replaced his bones with twigs and strings for them to pull at and play house. _

_all gone._

_it took years of beatings and a boy who dyed his hair too much. _

_sitting on Sehyoons bed, overwhelmed by the smell of the older and his warmth, he felt... weightless. _

_for the first time he felt weightless. _

_Sehyoon for his part helped a lot, between shoving fast food and long movies into his face every two hours and constantly being his hand, Byeongkwan genuinely felt fine. _

_His bruised heart would heal, maybe it would scared but we all have them right? _

_He'd be okay for once. _   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_"I want to drop out." _

_"no." _

_"but-"_

_"did I stutter?"_

_"fine..."_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_"Well, hello Mr. Highschool graduate, happy you finished?" _

_"Oh shut up. know it all..." _   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_"okay, okay! what about New York?"_

_"you would pick the loudest city wouldn't you..."_

_"rude. okay, so nothing too loud...Texas? _ _yeehaw_ _?" _

_"you say that word again I'm gonna dump you at the junkyard." _

_"wait...Texas or _ _Yeeh_ _-no! W-Wait Sehyoon put me down! ack! I won't s-say it again! Sehyoon!"_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_"I got it!"_

_"hm, got what?"_

_"where we can move to! it's perfect, has decent jobs and a nice environment!"_

_"okay, where do you have in mind kid?"_

_"Seattle." _

_"..."_

_"Oh come on Sehyoon! please?"_

_"... fine. Seattle isn't that bad..." _

_"Yes! Thank you!" _

_"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Whatever you want kiddo..."_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_"Hey, Donghun..."_

_"Sehyoon? Wow, it's been a while..." _

_"Yeah... how are you?" _

_"I... I'm really good actually...I moved in with Jun and got a job...it's kinda crap but helps pay the bills..." _

_"I'm glad, you deserve to be happy! How... How are you and Park?" _

_"We're... We're really good too, um perfect honestly? as scary as that is... I know I'm gonna fuck it up again and I'm waiting for him to finally-" _

_"-Donghun. That's not going to happen, ever. I hate saying this but you two belong together, nothing bad is going to happen... I promise you."_

_a sigh_   
_"I really wish things turned out different for you two... maybe if you'd met before me..."_

_"Don't blame yourself, it was me. if I hadn't been so protective and rude we probably would have been fine." a weak laugh "but you knew how I was back then... I was a dick." _

_"Yoon..."_

_"It's fine... I'm good now... um that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about..."_

_"About what?" _

_"well..." a pause "Me and Byeongkwan are moving...to Washington? I um...I just wanted to tell you. I didn't want you just finding out randomly..." _

_"_ _KIM_ _ SEHYOON! IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO!" _

_"DONT YELL?!"_

_"YOU'RE YELLING TOO!" _

_"YOU STARTED IT?!"_

_"EXCUSE YOU-"_   
_ **"BOTH OF YOU NEED TO STOP YELLING IM STUDYING!"** _   
_"Oops... sorry _ _Junnie_ _..."_

_He laughs_   
_"Sorry Park... anyways..."_   
_"I wanted to say bye, and to thank you for being my friend back then..." _

_"Aw! _ _Yoonie_ _! you'll always be my best friend, I should thanking you... and apologizing." _

_"Brothers?" _

_"Brothers." _   
_"Good luck Yoon, tell Byeongkwan that I love him...I hope the best for you two..." _

_"I'll make sure he calls you soon... I'll text you later... bye?"_

_"bye, Sehyoon."_   
_ **"Good luck Kim!"** _   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_"So, Kim Sehyoon. How does it feel to be standing in your very own apartment in Seattle, Washington?" _

_"... Honestly? It's kind of cold..."_

_"I hate you so much..."_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Two people, both handed bad cards, but both standing tall with hands locked. _

_the time for their lives to truely start, no fear of anything but the surprising unknown future. _

_free, weightless and warm. _

_strawberry gum and nicotine threaded hoodies. _

_ones sanctuary and the others pillar. _

_both were finally..._

_**home**_   
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it folks!  
I decided to end S&C here, mainly because I feel like it's the best place to...
> 
> This book lasted longer than I originally planned for it too, I only planned for maybe 10 chapters but here we are...
> 
> I'm sorry for anyone who isn't happy with this ending, but I don't think I can realistically add anymore, everyone's storyline is finished  
(minus maybe Chan but sadly I never actually planned a plot for him other than adding him as a minor Cameo roll, don't take that as me not liking him! I love Chan, but I didn't know how to implement him into this story...)
> 
> I'm so thankful for everyone who's read and enjoyed this book!
> 
> please don't forget to check out Coming Home, the prequal of S&C that focuses on DongJun and Sehyoon!  
(if you haven't)
> 
> ♥ I love you guys ♥


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